We all need it. What I'm not certain about thanks to you all...is whether I need to be in love to feel really fulfilled. Because I'm so happy just with you three...and I feel so loved that I lose sight of being in love and the desire and intensity I've always held for it.
It's been a long time and I'm not quite sure where I stand. I'm not quite sure what I'll say next that I may regret. I think I want it all...and you can't have that...I want to be totally independent and be a girlfriend--those don't work. I just haven't figured out which one is the more necessary. The quintessential life force. I'll let you know if I ever do.
I'm having too much fun with friends and letting the boyfriend drift. Meanwhile he's been drifting into himself. I'm not sure where he is anymore. He's as lost as I am in his own way.
For my stress on communication...he's not too good at dealing with and communnicating his own emotions. I know something's wrong everyday that I see him--I always assume that it's me. But when he mentions it...it sounds like it's a problem too deep down inside of him. Something's plaguing him and I don't know what it is. I don't know what to do. I can't drag things out of him. It doesn't work. I feel like I'm asking him all the wrong questions and getting all the wrong answers.
-Did I do something?
-Is there something I can do?
I just can't follow him and I can't help him. What's my use? Be supportive? Be nice? Sweet? Caring? It's hard for me to do those things when I'm blind to the circumstances! He's soul searching...and there's no way I can help. It's between you and you...figuring out your life. In our own ways I think we're going through our own gauntlets. Not sure quite where either of us will end or what exactly will swerve at our heads next.
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