i wish i could dance like no one was watching...

i wish i had more confidence to talk to people i dont know. I wish i could forget.

I hate crying heartbrokenly. you know that crying and you know the person is really hurting? i dont cry when im upset, ill want to cry but i cant so i dont until something little and completely unrelated to why im really upset happens and then i just cry and i cant stop and i feel like my hearts breaking and its horrible tears. i hate crying like that becaus even if i stop, it can start at any moment again.

i hate that i care what people think of me. I think its because i dont like me and i expect everyone else not to. fuck i look horrible.

its strange how you care about people but it doesnt really hit you how much you car aout them until they are gone or something happens. You take it for granted that they are there and that theyw ill neverr leave you. but thats not true. they could leave at any time or something can change and you dont realise it changed. and then it hits you that things have chnage and things will never be the same again. you may have been there best friend once but now they have a new friend and you just dont fit anymore. and no matter how much it hurts you have to accept that. things are different and things have changed. How did i expect it to stay the same when they are so far away and i dont see them for extended periods of time.

some people are really mean. they say really hurtful things and i dont think they notice how much it hurt. like i dont really wanna go into it. i dunno nothing seems fine anymore. im so lonely. I cant even enjoy myself anymore bcause i just start thinking about things. Ill be there having fun and then ill just start thinking and i cant stop.