What is it about me that makes it impossible to find happiness? Just when I think things are coming together and working out I find out I am wrong. I have such a hard time trusting people that it tears me up inside. I must behave in a way that makes people feel they have to lie to me. Why can't people just be who they say they are? Why waste time with I love you when they really don't mean it. People wouldn't have to lie if they didn't do things to hurt you or go against what they tell you.
What is it about me that makes me unloveable? People have said they loved me but then why do I always end up being lied to and in pain? I have never really been trustworthy before but this time I was. It got me to the same place I always end up. I use to think it was everyone else who was wrong. Now I am convinced its me. After all I am the common denominator of all my relationships so it has to be me. All I wanted was to love someone who loved me back and thought I was enough. I thought I had that, I thought I had someone who meant what was said. I am not worthy of being loved I drive people to lie and cheat and hurt me. No one has hurt me but me so I guess I get what I deserve.