For the last two weeks I have had no dreams, only nightmares. Some of them the same thing repeated over and over as I've had for years and some of them newer, more frightening disasters inside my mind. I'm really starting to be weary of it all.
Today... is March 6. In 5 days it will be March 11... which would have been mine and Jeff's two-year anniversary. I miss him... like I can't even describe.
6 days after that, yes St. Patrick's Day, my least favorite holiday of the year, will be here ready to torment my memory cells yet again. I miss Paul sometimes... and sometimes I hate him for everything he did and for going and doing a stupid thing like that instead of wanting to try to help himself.
I suppose after the first failed attempt he probably didn't believe he could do it... but I see no reason to use that as an excuse for him. Not that it matters either way when he's dead...
I don't know. It's quarter to four... and I have a billion things to do tomorrow and I know I'll be tired but I just can't make my brain shut up so I can sleep.
I feel lost. And I want desperately to be found... Or maybe I am found and I just don't know it. I'm so used to not knowing... my indecision disgusts me. *sigh*
I hope everyone else is having sweet dreams cuz stars know I won't be...