|a breath of ecstacy|
so matt finally came into contact with me. after he was suppose to call me last night.
he sent me a txt message that simply said :what are you doing
um nothing ass! i just got home from cinncinati im tired and i really dont feel like dealing with your bullshit.
and its obvious that he was using me for school. i mean duh.
he was at the library
working on his paper
and assumed id come down and help him.
um negative. i will be tucked into bed watching the worst movie in the world before i do that.
i dont want to sound bitter or anything, but seriously. thats one more guy that proved me right.
and thats an awful thing to say when you look at who my father was and what my experience with guys have been.
im tired of it.
im tired of getting hurt.
im tired of hoping that this one is different
im tired of hoping that this time they will care
i tried to protect my heart like josh said. and i did.
im not as upset as i normally would be.
i guess i'm just more disappointed.
why cant he--the one--be here already?
and why is it so sad? i mean i don't need a man.
but theres always that part of me that says i do.
i seriously want to throw bricks at his head. or males in general would be fine.
i guess what i am trying to say is that aLL i need is just one guy to prove to me that they aren't all the same.
--besides puffin, and leo who ive totally fabricated in my mind--
songs (yes all bsb tonight) of the moment:
i'll never break your heart
shape of my heart
you can let go