My internet didn't work last night so I'm saving it tonight...

 So I ended up getting my mom a card with a nice message and flowers and cake out of guilt.  My mom was fine after that.  But I really do need to do something to get over my guilt and being controlled by my mom's moods.

I may or may not have mentioned it in previous entries, but my job is unstable at the moment.  The budget wasn't met, enough people haven't taken the incentive to retire, and people are going to get laid off.  Apparently, the list of positions to be cut are going to be released this week.  Me, being an hourly, things aren't looking good.  I've proven my worth (others have told me this too), and my boss and others have done their best to get my name out and sing my praises, but it may or may not be enough to keep my position.  The city council and city manager decide that.  I imagine if full timers are cut before me, there would be a big fiasco - lawsuits, even.  See, in the public sector people are intensely defensive of their position.  INTENSELY.  I know most people feel high entitlement at their workplace, but at the public sector, you can only move up if people quit (which they probably won't), retire, or die.  Just like royalty.  So if the crown and scepter gets passed over to someone you consider "lesser" than you, wow, it is not pretty.   I can't say I'm heart broken to leave because I haven't become that attached yet.  Sure, there are a couple people I would be sad to not work with anymore (my boss is one of them), and my commute and hours are pretty good (2 mi one way, and I get every other Friday off), but have I found fulfillment at that place?  Not really.

I've been thinking about jobs nowadays.  I believe anyone can make a decent living one way or another - especially if you maximize your strengths.  I think lots of hipsters nowadays, sick of the 9-5  grind, start their own business (usually something to do with printing t-shirts, posters, or creating jewelry).  But to be GREAT, you have to have a strong philosophy.  Since the average person doesn't think so much about the philosophy or where they're going to be in 10 years, the next best way to be GREAT is through a good company that has a strong philosophy and to execute their philosophy.  Maybe I'm just talking out of my butt, but after feeling like my abilities are capped by corporate limitations, I've been playing with the idea of owning my own business.  I've had plenty of people to ask about their own experiences with owning a business and their whole "it's hard work to own your own business" part is finally beginning to register.  

Anyhow, if I get laid off, I'll have plenty of time to explore my choices.  Maybe take that road trip I've always wanted.  My aunt's friend in Japan - an old lady - makes these mobiles out of silk scraps that my mom sent her... she's made A LOT of the mobiles and now I have 28 that I want to sell.  I was thinking Etsy, a website where people sell their hand made wares.  There's no way to verify that it's really handmade, but you'll have to take their word for it.  I looked through all the mobiles that different people were selling on Etsy, and sure, there were some cute ones, but the material was either felt or paper, and they were selling in many cases $80 or more.  I probably wouldn't buy an $80 mobile, but it seems like they sell quite a few of the mobiles.  I was thinking of trying my hand at selling a couple of mobiles on that website too... At least it would be making some kind of income if I get laid off!

Today I got in a big fight with Mike.  I know I mentioned before that he's cold.  Unthinking?  Unthoughtful might be more appropriate.  It stemmed off a text.

Me: "hah. I'm going to find out whether or not I have a job by the end of this week."

Mike: "Yay, haha.  Can you drop off my [students] tonight?"

Sure, I'm not depressed that I might not have a job soon, but it does make me a tiny bit uneasy, and that kind of reaction is way inappropriate and insensitive.  Most others have offered me a couple of kind words - "You're a smarty, You'll be ok." "I really feel bad for the young kids these days.  Just continue learning anything and everything, ok? Don't limit yourself to what your background is."  Mike's reaction just caught me off guard and really highlights how he can't see past his own situation.  Sure, taking his students out to martial arts practice is nice of him as a teacher, but it's kind of taking advantage of me when he's asking me to drop off 4 students in South Central LA at 10PM (it's a 5 mi detour for me, vesus his 20 mi or so detour).  I've dropped off his students at night before, but I feel like he keeps asking so much of me without giving anything back.  I know that it's not because he doesn't care; it's just that he really does.not.think about what I'm going through.  He's a nice guy, really, but there's something fundamentally wrong when you don't think about your fiance.  He got a pink slip because of the teacher's layoff, but it was rescinded, and he didn't tell me that it was rescinded until his coworker brought it up in conversation about a week later .  Wouldn't it make sense to share that information with someone you want to share your life with?  It's not that finances are a taboo subjects.  We do talk about it, and I've even lent him money.  There's no point to this paragraph, but I just felt really unappreciated and I had to get it out some how ..

Okee dokee I need to sleep.

Gnite!