Its been a while. I feel there is a lot to say, but i feel a block. Perhaps why i have not written in a while. Its well past the halfway parental unit mark. I will take my nephew home around the second week of June. This puts us less than two months away. I am very ready to be done with this. It has been emotionally, mentally, and financially difficult. Parenting a child with severe neediness and behavioral issues is tough business! This is especially true when all my energy goes to the parenting. I do not have a tv or video games to soothe... though it would be easier if i did. I just cant let the tv be a parent like it was to me.

My nephew's mom does not have things together yet. No job, no house. But there is a new boyfriend. *sigh* She needs to take responsibility. I am beginning to feel a little guilty for being ready to be done. I just know my limit and i can't do any more. I need to start applying for teaching jobs, going to interviews. Then, there is the summer. The financial aid they offer is half what i get other quarters. How could i pay for child care? How could i maintain sanity without all day kindergarten?

And you know what the little guy said to me the other day? "I wish i came from your belly instead of my mamma's. I love you both, though." Poor kiddo. He will go from a highly structured enironment where he is the focus of a lot of attention and specific work regarding his behavior to .... well.... gosh.

Sometimes i wish i could just be done now. People keep telling me all these great things about "what i am doing" for him, but i just think it;s going to mess him up in the long run.... tranisitioning from me to her. From a safe environment to a potentially sketchy one. I wish i had it in my to petition to keep him longer, or even to just offer to.... i. just. cant.

Maybe i should not have even done this is the first place?