my life is getting far too crowded.  too many people are demanding my time, too many people expect me to be someone i'm not.  it's driving me insane!  i've started doing stupid things, just for the sake of doing that.  i never would have done that before.  i've always been the cautious one.  sometimes i just have to leave.  i feel so trapped, all the time.  no matter how far i run, i just can't cut the ropes.  i have so many things, so many people pulling back.  i don't want to go back to them or to the way i was.  i wasn't happy then, and i'm not happy now.  the only difference is that now i don't pretend to be happy all the time.  i still let people walk all over me sometimes.  i'll here myself saying things that i don't feel and i don't want to say, but i just can't help it.  i don't know how to be myself around people.  i always feel so out of place and lonley, even when i'm around people i've known most of my life.  it's scary knowing who i've become and where i'm headed.  i just..........i don't know what to do.  i don't know anything anymore.  i just want to breathe!

marie