xHOLDx xONx: things are the way i always wanted them to be with him in the dreams. were both happy. :( i want him back...as wrong as it is
friend: our mind always show us want we want, but our heart tell us what we need. So you heart by seeing what you want. Your whole spirit is telling you want you want is not good
xHOLDx xONx: ive had about 4 dreams about him since he last IM'd me...i wake up crying each time
friend: maybe the best thing for you would be to tell him off, as much as that might hurt. It maybe liberating in the end
xHOLDx xONx: thats what got me in this mess right now though. :\ i stood up for myself to him and said "fuck you" and i didnt hear from him for 6 months
friend: well say it 56 more times and maybe you wont have to worry about him for a couple of decades
xHOLDx xONx: :\
xHOLDx xONx: i just wish i could fill that void...
friend: well, it will be hard, but you gotta get the sharp broken peices of the void out to allow sumthing to fill it that wont be cut
I've been having a lot of dreams about Charlie here these past couple of days. They are really getting to me. Like, in each one he asks me to be with him again and I go back and everything is perfect. It's the way I always wanted it to be. He was perfect in my eyes, as imperfect as he really was. I still love him, and I want to see him again. Though I know that would be a bad idea because I would practically beg him to be with me again and he would just laugh and walk away. I miss him. I remember so clearly the first night we hung out I told Ashley that I never wanted him to go home. And how she told me to tell him that. I never did. I remember when we would always say that we would always be together. And when people would talk about us they would say that we belonged together. Apparently not. Apparently I'm too much of a fuck up to even maintain such a fool-proof relationship. I'm a loser.