These past few weeks have been so horrible.Feels like everything is falling apart on me.Porblems with money and I feel like I'm losing touch with the real me.I just don't know what to do.

I've started praying for change and I try to help people out when they need it.Feels like the helping people is backfiring,because when I need them,they disappear.I've lost sooo many friends.I don't understand it either.I'm the same person I was 5 years ago,but everyone thinks I have changed or something.Maybe I have...I mean I have more respect for myself and I don't let people push me around.What's wrong with that?

To top all this off I'm losing touch with my family.This deployment has been rough.The car has broke down a million times,money is running low,air conditioner broke and flooded my living room,and my sister hates me right now for something that I can't change.She wants me to come home all the time,but I just can't do it.I have this life thats been really busy.I can't be making the trips like I used to.Between the car acting up,money and time I just can't.No one seems to understand that.Everytime I talk to my mom she says come home.I know they want to see me,but I can't do it.Why can't they come see me?I mean they seem to think I'm not busy....well I think they have time to come see me.I mean I miss them more than words could express and I feel so alone,but I can't just stop paying bills and lose my house right?Paul would come home to what then??

I'm always crying lately.I don't know what God has in store for me,but I wish I knew something.All I can do is pray for strength and comfort.I just want answers...thats all.I need my old life back.I've been slipping for a while I guess.

I fell out of Gods light.Let the world get to me.Well not anymore.I'm not going to let anything out shine Gods light.He is my strength and comfort.He is my focus when the world gets crazy.I am going to start reading my bible again and get back to work on changing myself and maybe....just maybe change the world and the people in it.

I am feeling a little better already.I was crying when I started this,but my eyes have dried,because I have nothing to worry about.God has my back and especially my heart.

GOD BLESS EVERYONE!!!!

<><Heather