no more andy. ihavent talked to him since june. i see him everyonce in awhile and he completely ignores me as if i never existed in his life.; i dont think anything hurts more then knowing that he doesnt want to remember anything about us. i miss him. i relaly really do. i would give the world to atleast talk to him again and find out what i really did that was soo bad for it to end like this. im assuming its because of the hoe. i finally got tired of everything she was saying about me so i stooped down to her level and called her an ugly fat whore...infront of him. that is the only reasoni i can think of.  and to think if i hadnt lost my temper we would still be talking.....i think. maybe not. i just wish i knew for sure. and didnt have to guess. i was thinkin that it would be like it normally is and not talk for a lil while, a month at the most.  but its been damn near 4 months now. hes not coming back this time.  i still fall asleep thinking of him, i cry myself to sleep everynight. and i hate that i cant do anything about it this time. no matter how hard i try i wont get him back and its crushing me. his mom comes into my work alot lately and she always trys to talk to me and i hate it cuz i know what shell say and what shell ask, and i dont have the answers for her. i walk away as fast as i can whenever shes there cuz i just cant handle it no more. if i did talk 2 her she would ask what happened this time and then start apologizing for him. and i feel so bad cuz she has no reason to say sorry. no reason at all. but i think is even more upsetting is that his birthday is in a couple days and that marks the first time we ever fucked. and err. i guess it also marks the last day of my clean sex life. bastard gave me something. and i just found out the day before yesterday. he ruined my life in more then one way. but i guess i cant be that mad cuz i didnt know i had it cuz there were no symptoms and guys dont have sympotoms either so he most likely didnt know. im giving him the benifit of the doubt. but i know who he got it from cuz shes a hoe. flat out hoe with stds up to wazoo. but hey thats what i get for fallin in love with a guy who has a psycho whore ex girlfriend who i guess is his current girlfriend. i guess all and all my lifes been better without him. im chillen with my friends a whole lot more, not like their actually my friends but still. and i dont have all the stress no more and also no more headaches from worrying about what hes doing and what he'll do to me next. god damn i miss him. he treated me like shit no doubt but i still managed to fall madly and truely in love and i dont care how bad he treated me i still want him back. not possible though. i dont understand why i want him back i rally dont. my head tells me not to but my heart wont listen like it should. which sucks. i keep thinkin back to the good times we had and the connection between us when we first met. it was amazing. when he was nice he was the nicest person i knew. i just want those times back. shit id even take back the bad ones. he changed me and i hate it. hes everything i shouldnt want but do. i had soo much in common with him more then with my best friend. which is kinda hard to do..we even share fuck buddies, heh. fuckin bitch. i look at all the guys i know now and their nothing compared to him. inferior i guess. actually their not but it seems kinda like it.  i dont know how to explain it. i try to get close to a guy and all i can do is compare them to andy.  which is totally wrong. no one can compare. hes one of a kind. asshole and sweetheart all in one, no one can be that. and for some reason thats what i want. i want him. thats all there is to it i guess. but i cant so i dont know what to do. i fell in love with the wrong person. i dont think id ever be able to feel the same way about anyone no matter how hard i tried. wow i sound like a lovesick weird psycho bitch or something. jmerr. i think i kinda liked that he treated me bad in a way. i have no idea why or how to explain it but i did. ptollly cuz it was different and kept me on my toes. i never knew what to expect, i think thats it.  time to move on, i just gotta figure out how. thats gonna be the hard part.