10:35 p.m.

There was snow outside when I woke up this morning!  I liked it.  I have been waiting for some snow.  It has melted now though.  I'm ready for Christmas-time.  It's already cold, and I know it will get colder ... but I'm kind of excited about it, for some reason.  I kind of wish I was still at school.  I miss some things about the U of I.  I miss the best roommate of two years, my friend Jenny.  She called me on Thanksgiving.  We might get together sometime soon.

I made it to class this morning :) - relatively on time!  I was kind of proud.  I felt pretty lost though, when he was explaining this new stuff.  Maybe I'll find time tomorrow night to read the book and try to understand it.  Saw Amy after class.  It was nice to talk with her.  She is sooo nice, but I always worry that I am a nuisance/bother/etc.  I might get to keep talking with her after this semester.  She knows I'm scared about the semester ending ... but I don't want her to say I can talk with her next semester - if she doesn't want to put up with me - ya know?  It will be really cool if I can keep talking with her ... but I'm already predicting that I'm never going to want it to end (and it will have to, sometime, I'm sure) :-/ That makes me sad though, so that's enough of that.

Work was pretty busy today.  I left my area quite often ... when there weren't people around ... cus it was pretty lonely, but I went over to Housewares :)  My friend Jennifer works over there.  She is so cool and nice.

Went to the Y tonight.  Ran, walked, and did some sit ups and stuff.  I wish I would have stayed there longer, cus I needed to do more ... but I was really tired.  I'm going back tomorrow.  I'm going every day this week.

I thought about writing about something having to do with my mom and I from tonight ... but I feel so guilty for the thoughts I had about it ... so I'm not even going to write anything.  Why can't I be a better person?  What is wrong with me?  I guess I understand how my mom feels.  I am embarrassed and ashamed of myself ... so I see how/why others are, too.

I'm so frustrated about my appearance.  The number on the scale isn't very good -- although it is better than what it could be! -- but I feel SO HUGE and ugly in this body.  Why do I look that way too?  Will I still look this fat when I lose weight?  I hope not.  I don't expect that.  There has to be a drastic change - because I'm Sick Of Myself!

I feel exhausted and I have to work a.l.l day tomorrow, so I'm going to go to bed.  Goodnight.