I don't know if you all know who Regina Spektor is, but I do know that
if that name doesn't ring a bell you had better hope on over to iTunes
and check her pretty self out.

I know. It has been awhile, hasn't it. I have been writing, that isn't
the issue. I feel like I have outgrown my former self and so different
writing was being produced. I didn't feel like sharing that part of
me. I suppose that's the only explanation that I can give. I don't
know if I will keep my previous entries because, well, that just isn't
who I am right now, at this time and place. Things have changed,
things have blossomed and I seem to have transcended the bullshit and
pettiness of ife and looked to something brighter…

Love.

Yeah folks. And this time, it is real.

I can't tell you how I know that except that every other time I didn't know.

I thought it could be, maybe, if he did this and then that and later
on the all the important other thing…but it all took so much work and
risk and sacrifice on my part. I was fighting. I was fighting my ass
off for someone who didn't want me. No guy I was with ever worked as
hard for me as I worked for them.

Enter Josh.

Beautiful, bright, funny and centered. Goal oriented.
Goals: Love the unlovable. Create peace through love. Fight for beliefs. Etc.
He has the ability to melt me by saying my name.
He calls me on my shit and never lets me forget that he loves me.

He works at a homeless shelter for inner city youth.
And on his day off, he delivers flowers for his best friends grandfather
who owns a flower farm.

He has a degree in history.
He is getting his masters in social work.
He is politically and socially aware.
Liberal in every sense of the word, but loves God more than anyone I know.

((That's incredible in my book because most of the Christians I know
seem to love Bush more than God. I am terribly ashamed of what
Christianity has done to religion. Or, I suppose, what religion has
done to Christianity.))

It has been hard.
I have a lot of walls, you know.
A lot of crap to cut through
but we are working on it.
We. We are working together
to make a better me.
And I would do the same for him. In a heartbeat.
And I will.

He is planning on purposing sometime in the winter.
And then I guess I will make it official sometime in the fall.
Damn. This shit happens fast.

I have waited my whole life for this to happen. For me to finally find
the one. And now that I have found him and I am sure, it seems like
that time I spent waiting and looking and sitting around hoping he
would come and find me was all wasted. Maybe not wasted, but not
wisely utilized. And now I am wondering what I could have done with
that time had I put it to good use.

I am excited to start my life with him.
To close one chapter of my life and start the next.
I wonder how all of this is going to pan out.

And I am going to document it here. Promise.

Again, I am sorry for the absence. Please don't forget that I am here.
I am going to go say hi to you all now.

Adios.