Much calmer now. Significantly calmer. Not eating a cup+ of cookie dough calm. Not wanting a strong, strong drink calmer (although...no, bad Sunila Mayana! LOL). Yesterday in church, as we were praying about the concerns brought up during prayer and praise time, I had brought up My Love and Alice, and I felt a calm come over me, a peace, knowing that everything will be alright. It will all work out for the best. God will make a way, and I am so much more relaxed and centered as a result of knowing this, of trusting this.
I do regret to some extent the things I said about The Bitch Queen (TBQ). However, I can't help that she is such a horrible woman. I hope that God can forgive me, I hope that whomever reads that can forgive me. While there is no true excuse for my behavior, I was upset, but still, no excuse. TBQ just gets under my skin like no other. I mean, more so than BFF or CPB. I'm talking major I-need-to-leave-the-room-before-I-say-something-I-ought-not moments. She accused My Love of running up over $40 in cellular internet bills and refused to back down, even when she was repeatedly told a) it wasn't him and b) there is nothing he could have done to cause that. Finally, she realized it had been her e-mailing herself pics from her vacation. She laughed it off, but she refused to apologize. I had to leave the room, faking a bladder emergency so I go splash some water on my face and vent silently to the mirror about her. It took me a couple of hours to calm down after that one. She just kept attacking him, telling him that something he did with the WIRELESS INTERNET must have somehow connected to her phone and run up all the charges. She's so stupid!
Okay, enough about TQB. My Love seems to be doing better with the decision, though I am still worried about him. He just wanted this so much. But I know he will finish. Even if it's one course at a time. He is so bright, I know he can do this. I love him more than anything, and I cannot wait to see him. I miss him more than usual, maybe because Christmas is coming. I miss having him here with me to celebrate the birth of Christ. I miss having him here on Christmas Eve with my family, eating pizza and salad, going to church for Candle Light Service, coming back and eating Jesus' birthday cake and ice cream. I miss him here on Christmas Day to open gifts around the Christmas tree, eating Christmas dinner, going to see a movie. I love him so much. He doesn't realize it, but he IS MY LIFE.