dear diary,

wow, it sure has been a DAMN long time since i last wrote in here.  i don't have time to write very much now, ironically, because my boyfriend is almost done cooking dinner.  yes, i said boyfriend; a lot has happened since i wrote last.  i would like to catch up with you though, diary, even though i can't do it all right now.  basically i'm going through a divorce with my husband, which will be finalized in late december or early january.  that in itself is kind of a long story, and surprise surprise, i already have a boyfriend.  i wasn't planning on that.  but it happened.  we met at work so it's not like i was out at the clubs looking for someone so fast.  but my husband and i are getting a divorce (the paperwork has already been filed) and we have been physically separated for a few months so i'm not really doing anything wrong right now.  we won't talk about the past in this issue.  but i will get to the whole story when i actually have an hour or so to sit down and type it all out.  hopefully tonite,  sometime after dinner!  i have not been doing so well lately.  i was doing just fine for awhile after the separation.  i did feel guilty sometimes because it was sortuv my idea, and i felt sorry for my ex..i sometimes still do because i still care about him.  but i haven't felt guilty or anything for quite awhile,  and most of the times from then to now with the new boyfriend have been good.  however i'm not so sure things are in a really great place with us currently.  i hope it works out because we've sortuv started planning a future together.  i knew him before my husband and i separated, because i started working with him before billy (my ex) left, so it isn't quite as sudden as it sounds.  i know that al (my new boyfriend) has placed a ring on lay-away and he is going to officially propose in a month or two.  so i really hope we can work through some of the problems that i've been feeling lately.  and it hasn't been for a long time.  it's only been for a week or two that i've been feeling this way.  and i made a decision yesterday that the problem was mine, and that i was in a funk that i needed to get out of.  (i'm really busy right now cuz me and al do a lot, he has a son, and i work full time of course AND on top of all that i'm taking a college class right now.)  anyhoo today i decided that maybe it isn't just me.  i just moved in with him three weeks ago.  and i have been feeling lately that he hasn't been listening to me as much as he used to.  so i'm still trying to figure out if i'm just paranoid because of the fact that i'm a bit stressed out right now by life period, or if i'm right and he actually doesn't listen to me as much as he used to.  so that's where i am today.  i wrote a really good poem today though.  i will put it in here after i read it to my mom, cuz i don't want her to read it on here if she notices that i wrote, before i read it to her over the phone tomorrow morning.  i don't know if it's actually written very well, but it's got a very poignant meaning.  and that counts for something, even if it isn't grade A writing material!  anyway when i was thinking (and i'm still considering the possibility) that i am in a funk, my mom suggested that maybe i should start writing on here again.  and i thought that that was worth a shot.  i used to like writing on here a lot.  for some reason i just stopped when me and billy were going through our "thing."  so i'm going to try to get into it again.  so here's my first entry -- TA DA!!!!!!!!!!!  and i'm going to try to get back on here tonite, and if i can't make it, definitely tomorrow.  (my mantra -- i WILL stick with it, i WILL stick with it, i WILL stick with it!!!!!!!!)  ok, so ciao all (whoever might happen upon my diary and read it).  cya later.