I hate when you know you are fucking up, but you keep fucking up over and over and over again. I did coke 4 god damn times last week. I am blowing all my cash. I am missing school. HIGHSCHOOL was different, this is college ya feel?...I'm paying for this shit. I think my mom is is starting to think something, my dad asked where my all the money i'm making was going and he half-seriously said "Are ya snorting it?"...I laughed it off, then my mom was like, well that would explain why you have been losing so much weight again. I thought I could control it. I ALWAYS THINK THAT!!!!...I can't ask for help, cause I dont want to show them that I have failed for the millionith time...maybe I can slowly cut down..on my own..lets see....it's been done..before...Hasn't it?....

I told my friend...If i call him at all this week asking him for some DONOT get me any..i wanna see if I can go this week without...<this week, i mean sun-wed..school nights..lol>...I can't miss anymore school...I need too know I can control myself..I NEED TO KNOW I HAVE CONTROL!!!