Well,well,well..tough last couple of days...Lemme start.

Yesterday I was driving around and I drove near the old crack house....well, in my head all these thoughts started running through..*Maybe I should stop in, see how everyone is doing*...then i started rationalizing as is *I did leave some important shit there...c.d's...I also remembered I had my pipe there*(I left the pipe there the morning i checked into rehab..saying'well, i guess i dont need this anymore'.they were like 'don't say that...you'll be back)..i hope they weren't right...ANYWAYS, this really scared me is it really that easy  to get off track??..(I know the answer)..I mean...I don't give a fuck about c.d's what was really going through my head was getting high...I know,. they would all be kicking it..snorting,shooting,smoking....I would be lying to myself if I thought I could walk in there.."Just to talk"..well, I don't know how but I talk my self into not going....I didn't call my sponser...cause I felt guilty and ashamed..I really think I should of....

TODAY....I was sitting down stairs home alone...and I picked up the phone...I stared at it for about 5 minutes..then finally dialed the number of this old "girl" i used to get high with...Thank GOD noone answered..i hung up. I know inside..that if she woulda asked me to get high...i would drove right over.....I can't say no...

Anyways, I am feeling a little discouraged allthough I haven't picked up....I need some experience,strength,and hope...

Thanks....