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I don't know why but yes now is the time I feel the need to write, when in all honestly I really need to be in bed. When I look at his picture sitting on top of his urn, I just close my eyes and it is like he is going to be there in my face when I open my eyes again. The other day I dug out one of his old shirts to wear when I was coloring my hair, and well his smell still lingers in one of my suitcases. When I was moving here to MO, I put all of his clothes from his closet to the suitcase, and that is where they have sat. I really loved the way he smelt, even if he did stink at sometimes. Why does this life have to feel like a bad dream? When I think of him being dead my mind seems to go into major denial. For example, I sit outside at night sometimes, and look around the corner of my house waiting for him to pop around the corner in his red mossimo hat, and red independent hoodie with his hand rolled cigarette in his mouth. I also look for his face in crowded places, expecting to see him there, but lets get real he is not going to be there. Work is going good. I like the 5am-1pm shift but hate getting up when it is dark. I borrowed a monitor from a friend of mine because my precious little Isis decided to dump coffee down the back of my other computer monitor. Oh well no big deal. Well need to get off of here so I can get to bed. Talk to you all later.
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I cannot imagine dealing with what you are dealing with on your level. I am glad you find comfort in his clothing. We are funny like that. We all can find something too hold onto no matter what it tends to be.
ryn: I keep on your MIL because I worry about you! Would love if we lived closer too!
Happy Thursday. [pizzaguy184]
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9/16/2005 12:12:37 AM
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