Fat. Fat fat fat. This is all I can think about, but it doesn't stop me eating like it used to.
I should be having a great time, visiting some friends at uni, but everything we do and everyone I meet, all that goes through my petty little mind is how this will affect my weight, if they think I'm too big, if I'm thinner than them...

I hate being so self-absorbed, but don't know how to change.

Drinking a lot lately, and not just when I go out. Home alone - wine for breakfast. Back from uni - straight to the vodka. I'm also stockpiling painkillers without really knowing why. I'm not suicidal. But I feel safer, somehow, knowing they're there...

I still haven't been to see my doctor.