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All for the sake of healing...
by thealcoholdiary
Location: Hell.
Age: 25    Sex : F

So give it up, throw your hats in the air. 5/4/2005

I hate school. I am so fucking fed up with everyone's bullshit. Don't talk behind my back don't talk shit to my face. Just leave me the fuck alone. I am so sick of drama. It's driving me crazy. I can't deal with it like I used to. I used to be able to defend myself and stand up for things but now someone says something to me and I cry. And that's it. I can't take this anymore. I wish people would fucking grow up. None of them know me and I have no intention of ever letting them have the opportunity to do so. So I don't see why all of their shit bothers me so much. I wish everyone would just leave me alone.

I hate school so fucking much. I can't stand it. I know I keep saying these things over and over and over and I'm sorry but I have to put it somewhere. So if you don't care, don't read. Or just go along with me. But I really am sorry.

I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. The only thing I am absolutely positive about is if I had stayed at South Range I would have been dead way back in September. I would have made fucking sure that my attempts would have no chance in failing. So I really shouldn't be complaining about all of this shit right now. Because even though it sucks a lot, it's a lot fucking better than it was last year and every other year I spent at that goddamn school.

I need to be shot in the face.

If he has not even the slightest feeling that I have some huge thing for him then he needs somebody to slap him because I have been incredibly obvious lately and I cannot stand it. I'm ready to slap myself. I hate acting so...flirty. But I can't help it. I'm going to tell him soon. I really am, haha. Even though I have been going on about this for over a month, you have to believe me, or try to anyway. I wouldn't really blame you if you were completely incapable of doing so, though. I'm not quite sure if I even believe myself yet. I'm just hoping this is something I will decide on going through with in the next day or two. I have to. It's do or die, I guess. And to be honest, I would almost rather die at this point. I am sick of writing about how I'm going to tell him tomorrow or soon. Tomorrow has come and gone about 324572831643 times and soon keeps getting farther and farther away.

I really need to shut up and stop complaining about everything.

Especially this.

I wish this week was over.

I'm really tired. I've been in bed by atleast 6 every night this week and I'm about ready to go now. It's 6:22. I'm late, haha.

I need a cigarette or two.....or 13.

I have a headache.




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