"Anger will destroy the heart that cradles it." -Donna Adams
Okay, yawl can jest go ahead and call me a dumb Miss Sippy Hillbilly and git it over with right now cause that is what everbody else does when I tell em this here story anyhow but I still say I twernt fishin dag-gumit! An I twernt!
Me and my Mama an some folks loaded up an went to a Big Lake on the Mississippi and Tennessee State Line fer a picnic with her boyfriend on account he wanted to show off his new ski boat. We had been thar all day long an I was wore plum dee out!
I was tahred a ridin in that thang so I decided I'd stay on tha land fer awhile by mysef an let them keep ridin and playin around on them ski thang-a-ma-jigs.
Whelp, I got bored after awhile and I seen my Mama's rod an reel a settin thar. I picked it up and commensed to castin it out in tha water a little piece tryin to hit a stump I seen out in tha water with tha little yeller thang on tha end of it. I did it over an over an over. I was gittin perdy good at it too when I seen this here boat comin toward me with a man in it.
I thought to mysef, 'Dang, I hope that ole geezer ain't a comin over to flirt with me!'
I jest kept on a playin with my toy tryin to hit tha stump when he pulled up an stopped.
"Howdy thar!" he sed.
"Hello." I sed back cause I ain't no rude person ye know.
"Can I see yo fishin license?" he asked.
"No, I don't got no fishin license cause I don't fish." I sed back.
I jest kept right on tryin to hit my stump.
He didn't say nuttun fer a minute. Then he sed, "Uh, well mam, it looks like you are a fishin right now."
I started laughin. "Naw! I ain't fishin! Heck fahar! I wouldn't know what ta do if a fish got on this here thang!"
I reeled in and cast it out agin just nearly hittin my target that time!
He reached over an got a little book out and flipped back a page or two and wrote somethan down an then he asked me what my name was!
I sed, "Why you wanna know my name? I don't tell strangers my name!"
"Cause I gotta give you a ticket fer fishin without a license." he sed.
"WHAT? A ticket! I ain't fishin! I done tole you that! I'm a tryin to hit that thar stump in tha water over thar! See it? Dag gum mister! I'd have a dag gum hissy fit if I caught somethan on this line!"
"Look lady, that is a rod and reel in your hand. That yeller thang on the end is called a leur with a hook in it and you're throwin it in tha water! That is called fishin! Now if you ain't got no license, it means you are fishin without a license, so tell me your name!"
Land sakes alive! I was madder an wet hen then!
I reeled that thang in and walked over to where he was pulled up in that ugly boat and put my hand on my hip an sed, "My name is Donna Jean an I ain't fishin!"
He wrote my name, address and phone number down and tore that ticket off and handed it to me and then he told me I had to give him tha danged rod and reel!
"You gone take tha rod and reel too? Why? This ain't even mine! It's my Mama's! She's gone have a gold duck fit when she comes back and see's this thang gone! It cost over $80.00!"
"You can git it back when you come to court to pay your fine for fishin without a license."
"Nawp! I ain't a comin to no court cause I twernt fishin without no license!"
Then he sed, "Well then you'll have a warrent fer yo arrest in tha state of Tennesee!"
I tole him to take that thar rod an reel and give to tha judge. They could sell tha danged thang and pay my ticket with it cause I twernt gonna drive back up thar fer no danged court jest to tell tha judge that HE was tha one that was crazy!
An I din't either yawl! I jest tole my Mama what happened when she got back and I bought her another rod an reel jest like tha one that mean ole man took from me!
I tole him when he putted off in his boat, "You better hope I ain't never YOUR nurse up in no hospital cause ifn' I am an tha Doctor orders you a shot, I'm gone make sure I don't even try to give it to ye easy like!"
He jest laughed at me and waved bye. Dang him!
Oh well, at least I never got arrested on that warrent. I bet he went home an had a real good laugh over givin me that ticket. I know my friends sure thank it's funny. They will still ask me to tell about this when the subject of fishin comes up, so I thought I'd write about it here.
Mama sed I shoulda just acted like I was crazy or somethan. "Whell heck Mama!" I sed, "I thank he thought I WAS crazy! I mean after all, thar I was with a rod an reel, jest a castin up a storm an still tellin him I twernt fishin!"
One man down thar tole me it wouldn't mattered if I'd been crazy as a loon cause that pertikular officer would have written his own Mama a ticket.
Whell, yawl jest wait! It mighta been several years ago, but I still ain't fergot that man! If’n I ever see his little boo tay and got I one a them thar hyperdermic needles in my hand....awww hawww! Am I gonna have some fun!
Naw, I ain't gonna hurt him none, but I'm sure gonna scere tha fhar outta him! I'll make him thank FISHIN WITHOUT A LICENSE!