:::sighs and rubs back:::  yeah, i shoulda listened to the doc....

ok, so i went back to work today. shoulda listened to teh doc and rested at home for a few more days, give myself time to heal. but sicne i neevr listen to medical advice, i went straight back to work. it was a long, painful day folks, i ain't lyin'. i was eatin pain pills and muscle relaxants like candy. was told not o do any heavy lifting and to take it easy on myself. and of course, me being the stubbron ass that i am, i did neither. cleaned out teh commisary like i do every tuesday, lifting ehavy-ass boxes and cases of food around, prolly doing god-only-knows how much damage to my spleen an' shyte in the process. kept running up and down the line durring the rush, instead of stayin slow and easy.

i'm such a frickin moron.

had a great conversation with slurpy last nite. i'm getting the impression that it's finally starting to hit him, how difficult it's gonna be to make a long-distance relationship work out; with trying to find time for me, us, and his family, wrapped up in our different work schedules an' whatnot. i truly hope he isn't getting discouraged this early in the affair. it hasn't even been two weeks yet!

i knew, going into this, that making the whole thing work was gonna be difficult on both of us. as i told him last nite, speaking personally for only myself, i'm stubborn enough to make it work. but only with him. if it were anyone else (and i've had a few chances in the last few months), i would have quickly and emphatically shot the whole issue down. i think he's just worried that us not being able to spend alot of time together as a dating couple will adversely affect our friendship. i'll be damned if i'm gonna let that happen. i love the boy dearly as a friend; and i really want the chance to put in the effort i know it's gonna take on *my* part to come to be emotionally attached to him on more than just a platonic level.

the whole situation has been on my mind alot all day... well, that, and the pain in my back, but i digress on that point....  slurpy is such a dear sweetheart, and though he believes he isn't capable of being loved, i want to be the one that loves him. i'm not in love with him (yet), but i want to be. my only fear is that my own stubborness will push against what he wants and what he feels needs to happen between teh two of us so that the friendship we've spent years building isn't damaged by our little "experiment". granted, is push comes to shove, i'll certainly back off and give him whatever he wants, and do everything i can to salvage the friendship that came before the relationship. i just sincerely hope that he's as stubborn as i am, and not give up until/unless we've exausted every possible option open to us to keep a relationship going between us.

so many possibilities, so many things to think about and try to plan ahead for. gawd, this is gonna be time consuming. guess it'll just give me something to do until the next time he gets to make an appearance at my front doorstep.  :-D

anyways, that's about it for the nite. see y'all later, same bitch time, same bitch channel.

Joe