12:03a

i am fucked.... 10 page paper due tomorrow that i havn't started. this depression has settled back in and i can't focus. i am spinning and swirling and can't see striaght and can't think about anything relating to caring about anything especially myself and what happesnt o me. today i almost got hit by a mini van going like 50 downt he road when he ran a red light by like 7 sconds...

is it wrong to think .... i wish i hadn't stopped? i wish i had just kept going and been the buffer for that van going 50 into my drivers side door and taking me with it?

i dont know what to do. i sat down the past three days and sliced the skin on my wrist. its very red and bloody and cut all over the place. i look at it when its not covered by three bandaids bc thats the span of the wounds.... and its just a reminder of what i'm feeling on the inside. no i dont want a reminder. i want it gone. why do i create reminders that make me feel too much all over again? why do i sit here when i have a 10 page paper due in no time at all and i just am a waste of life? oh wait ...

because i am a waste of life

x X x X x

6:29p

im in class right now doin absolutley nothing. i ended up getting 6 of the 10 required pages finished for my paper which is great considering its just a rough draft. im proud of myself. started at like 2 finsihed at 4 40.... fantastic.

i decided id include a recent photo of myself so i can look back and se that i have progress later on bc now i feeel DISGUSTING

me and my freind ayal at spank club in dc.... i like that pic bc i like my dress... its a pretty color i should say. anyway back to tending to nada in my stupid fucking class.

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