So yeah I didn't realize that working at Superstale would require a drug test so I had to 86 that idea. Which kind of sucks... But I'll probably will go up to Pizza Hut and try and get a job there. At least that's money for while I"m here in Maryland. I'm not looking forward to leaving...I'm not ready to say the fairwells that will result in my moving away. I'm not sure what will happen to me when that day comes. I don't want to hold on to things if they are doomed yet I can't bring myself to turn from the great people that I hae here. What will become of us all when I go? I can't imagine how it'll all turn out. Whether the results will be good or bad I'm finding myself scared for the next bend in my path to whom I'm going to be. I'd love to stop the clock and freeze everything so I can put off that day forever. Yet the clock is still moving will and alarming speed and though the middle of May seems like a far away plane of exsistance at the moment it will be here before I'm ready for it and I will lose everything in Maryland that I cherish so. Yes everyone knows that we'll always be together if not in body but in soul. I'm not sure that that will be enough to keep the friends that I love so dearly until our lives on this Earth are through. I need everyone in my life now. I can't walk away from them. It will not be easy on any level and I don't know why this perticular move is so hard on my mind. It's not like I've never done this before. I've done this many times over and here I am dreading the day when I have to say good bye to the people that have impacted my life so strongly. I can't leave. I don't know how I'll manage to live on without everyone being so damned close to me. and even though I dread that sickening day in May so much I know that I will get through. I'll be able to get by. Even if it's just a shell of myself I will get through it. I don't want to grow distant to these people, but I don't see any way to avoid it. It'll happen slowly and we won't even realize it until months go by then years go by and there will be that random day in the future when we stop and say 'I wonder how so and so are doing' and the thought will pass and years will legthen and we'll never even think about eachother again. Why doesn't the clock stand still for just a moment?