I haven't found my tiny smile, at least not yet, but I am feeling a bit less bad than yesterday.
Blossom got me to take one of the sleeping pills she has hidden somewhere for 'emergencies' at some point last night. I can't recall how or when but that doesn't matter and probably is good because I doubt I took it willingly.
I woke up late this morning, confused and disoriented but that passed quickly.
I haven't left the house all day, to drained, to tired. It is still an effort to just be and it feels like it takes all my energy to just breathe.
All the screaming I did yesterday made my throat sore and loose my voice, I've only been able to speak in a scratchy whisper all day.
I am still in pain, but compared to yesterday it's a quiet, dull throbbing not the red, hot assault it was. As I said yesterday, it is not just mental pain, my body is also aching.
I still haven't been able to eat, though I don't even feel hungry.
Overall it was a day of silent pain and suffering, silent self-hurt and punishment.
I think it will take at least another day and night to get back to functioning, maybe I am wrong, I hope I am wrong.
Thank you to everybody who noted me, I really and truly appreciate your words. I am sorry I don't feel up to reading you guys and noting back.