I am much the same as yesterday, tired, drained, exhausted, though today this is more physical, my mind seems to be coming back to life, my thinking is not as sluggish as it felt yesterday.

As yesterday I spent the day at home, trying to sort through all this, the pain and the mess and turmoil it left me in. My thoughts are going in circles though.

Still haven't been able to make myself eat something, I am still convinced I need to punish myself for something what I feel - lost, broken, scared, hurt, angry, scarred - for what I am - worthless, dirty, undeserving, vile, soulless, contemptible .

I will be going back to bed after posting this, or maybe I will go back to the floor next to our bed, not sure if I can make myself believe I deserve the comfort of the bed, the blanket, the pillow and most of all, Blossoms warmth.