Well, what to say? I haven't been able to write the past couple of days but I guess I'll post a few of my writes here....I wrote A LOT more since last time I posted any on here tho so if you guys wanna read more (or more that r like the last entry I posted some) then if you leave a note asking for my page on the writing site I go on I'll be happy 2 give u the link. So what all happened today? not as much as I had hoped....I was all bleh about Neo leaving and so brandon came over and *made* me go skating with him, which turned out to be kinda fun except he kept putting his arm around my waist every time I wanted 2 go fast (cuz I get really into skating and am faster then him, even if he won't admit that .) and it was kinda cute at first (no it wasn't like that he and I used 2 go out we're just really close.) but it got pretty old pretty fast. and then me and Joe decided to go hiking a little before his BF got home (and yes before I get pounded with questions yes I said his BOYFRIEND, as in he's gay..) and we were walking this one trail and at the top there's this kinda clifflike overhang that's above the water and he got bored or ADD or w/e he wants to call it this time, and decided it'd be funny to push me in-- now this would have worked if he wasn't known to do this every single time we have ever hiked up there, so he goes to push me and I wrap one arm around his waist and the other sorta over his shoulder @ a kinda weird angle so he has to fall too, I'll admit that was fun. but I dunno what's up with everyone lately, Zach's been all weird about me and Neo, I mean I guess "be careful" is good advice no matter who u wanna be with but still....I dunno. anyway I should really write something but I've got this bad (I guess?) feeling that the next thing I write is going to be VERY angsty.
so yeah guess that's what I wanted 2 say,
here are some of my writes and yea I got lazy and copied and pasted them from my page, don't believe me ask for a link to MY PAGE ;)
lifeless angel (left without me?)
pale flesh, as blood dries out.
My love turns to a numb confusion.
tears fall into a puddle of blood.
wishing to hold you one last time...
even though this crime was mine.
glancing down at the scars on your arms
knowing each one was my mistake.
guilt floods as your lifeless corpse remains
my heartbeat mourns for your fading murmur,
laying beside you just one last time,
unworthy blood now sustains my heart.
you never had a choice in this, not once,
stop leaving me like this, that was the last time,
hatred mixed with all of my love;
as my blade scars you for the last night.
and my shaking hand will not let the blade fall
infected wounds continue to rot,
my sadistic mindset fades for a moment.
and my soul seems to split in two.
how could you leave me? gone so fast...
but your lifeless eyes show innocence,
this was all me, as I take your lifeless hand.
heart suffering as I drink from you one last time.
and take the last thing you could give
my mind races, there's no more redemption.
I'm sorry darling, it wasn't meant to be this way.
my happiness now fades away, never to return,
your silence is killing me, didn't I love death?
a misjudged angel with torn, broken wings,
goodnight my love, embrace this death.
I killed you for what you always did.
An "abandoned" asylum,
rests motionless atop the hill,
evoking chronic nightmares of a repeated tomorrow,
dissolving into tainted memories of each yesterday.
a forgotten prison unknown to those outside...
screams and cries silenced only by delusions.
another day filled with medicated 'content'.
listless expressions to match empty eyes.
(we have no more left for them to take.)
another involuntary dissection of all I am,
mind and body both so detached;
observed, condemned, analyzed, and discarded.
always left so desperately close to death,
yet never near enough to suffice.
haunted with what life remains in this broken corpse,
visions of memories, voices and *tainted surgery*:
voices whispering of my inveterate delirium.
as my mind continues to slowly fade away,
and my uneven heartbeat becomes a murmur.
panicking at the constant torment of these four walls,
the agony of cries that only I seem to hear.
losing what remained of my 'sanity',
shaking in violent frustration-
as these walls refuse to break...
and the bars upon the windows,
only mock my feeble attempts.
even the seeping sunlight seems artificial.
and the nights fade into day,
and now I'm crying out for nothing,
'cause no one seems to care,
and now I'm dreaming of a "savior",
but no one answers these useless prayers.
Infected flesh defaced with countless incisions,
restless pleas for help...or death,
until all the time runs out,
and vacant eyes accept this failure,
and the last scar went too deep,
and the last spark of life floods from my veins,
and my bloodied silence joins a million other cries.