My world has always been a setback for me. I dont know exactly why either. My life has never been able to stabilize and I dont think that was ever my fault. And from this instability my heart suffers. I hate not knowing whether Im going to be sane tomorrow or I if should stare at my blank walls until the hurt stops, and it never stops. I dont know the exact cause of my misery, but its always there. I believe its a build-up of the many things that make me cry, a blockage of the anger I dont know how to release, and the steady income of the never-ending supply of troubles and worries that life has for me. Sometimes I dont know whether my heart will make it through the bad times. I get tired of going back and forth with my mind when Im trying to come to the conclusion that this isnt the life I was led to live. Ive always felt that Im not supposed to have to deal with the pain that I feel daily. If my life was a song, it would have to be a medley cause no one has written a song that quite fits my situation. Maybe one day Ill do it, but I dont think that anyone would want to listen to it because it would only make sense in my mind. I wish I could fly away from all the hurt, trouble and pain, but being human kind of limits that. Today if I wish to fly, Id have to deal with at least 200 other passengers, and Im not the greatest people person. Everyone seems to have a excuse not to like me for one reason or the other, and all I try to do is be congenial. I wish to be a normal person everyday of my life, but most of them arent who they seem to be, so thats out. I feel as if my life is being written as I go along and the author isnt me. I dont know when I lost control of it and yet I dont think I ever had it. I know that God controls everything but thats not the form of control Im referring to. The person writing my life has a love for tragedy and continues to make live through every inch of pain that he writes into my life. I wish that I didnt feel this way. All I wanted was to have a normal life with normal friends, and happiness to boot, but it seems that it will never happen. It seems that my only happiness occurs when I cant recall my circumstance, and lately thats not often. Call me crazy, but I dont think any person should have to feel this way. I have everything that I would ever need to succeed in this life: Intelligence that no one seems to acknowledge, a quirky sense of humor thats only a front to hide the tears rolling down my face, the gift of writing which is a way for me to put my pain on paper, and the gift of acting which helps me when I dont want people to know who I really am and how unstable I am. Everything I have to help me succeed are only reminders of how my struggle grows everyday. I wish I could define every aspect of my life, but Im only human. I wish that someone knew exactly how felt so I wouldnt have to deal with the pain myself, but I guess I really dont want anyone to know everything about DLR...