Havent updated in a while. Im shooting up heroin now despite my fear of needles. I dont feel it anymore. I know its bad but this is getting really hard. Im back with Jeff because I dont really have a place to stay and hes the only one who will take me in. After the night I was raped, I just kinda gave up and needed something or someone to fall back on. And I ended up in the same place I started... at Jeff's. I know I shouldnt be here. I know he really doesnt care about my well-being. I have to return 'favors' to him. I feel like my body is just worthless and only good for getting coke or heroin or whatever. Im still in school and suprised I am doing as well as I am. I have a 91% average. Im shooting up almost everyday and Im doing well in school. I dont understand how that works. I know I cant stay like this with Jeff and my living arrangements or Ill completely fall apart. Im going to call my mom tomorrow and try to get through to her and see if shell take me back. I think it will just end up like every other time I went to talk with her. Another door slamming in my face. Im really tired so Im going to bed.