During the any given entry, I may shift from the voice of one side of the conundrum that I am, to that of the other. What I mean by this is that I may speak from that perspective of myself as if there is no conundrum.

  If what I write here offense you and all that you have for me is ridicule or mindless reactionary attack then please don't bother leaving any notes!!!

All others, please read on.

Conundrum I Am

 Well here goes, this is my second entry other than my introduction. I want to say hello to Ya Ya, and The Exception.

 It has been a while since I have posted a new entry. I am glad to see that I have some who are interested in hearing more of this story.

  I am slow in moving forward with this because it is more than a little scary to expose these aspects of myself. In the not-too-distant past, I did reveal these elements of my personality to a friend who I thought would be able to know this side of me and not have it change the way we interacted. I was wrong. "Then why" you may ask, do I want to do this. It is a lonely place to live when there is a part of yourself that you must hide from all of the people in your life that mean anything to you. I know that talking about this here at Open Diary is anonymous but I feel that it may be liberating in some way. I also hope that maybe, it may help someone else who is struggling with voices or may be we will say influences that are rising up from unknown parts of their psyche.

  "What are these aspects you are talkin about?" I'm drawn to extreme physical experiences in the intimate or sensual facets of my human relationships.    Pain, it is said that there is a thin line between pain pleasure; I do not believe there is any line of at all. What I have posted on different Internet profiles, is that, pain is a very intense level of pleasure, which we can not reconcile with our social beliefs of what is acceptable, so we give it a negative label i.e., pain.    My desire in relationship to pain is two-sided, I seek women, who will allow me to inflict pain on them and I desire to receive it myself if you are there for.

  Now that we have established one of the elements of my story lets give it some biographical perspective. In my earliest relationships in high school, I sought to introduce pain as a part of my sexual relations with my girlfriends. I did not have very much luck with the girls that I knew in high school and for a while, these desires seem to have gone dormant, from what I can remember.

  I'm going to stop at this point, go ahead, and post this because I need to get out the door and take care of some errands. There will be more to come sometimes the time flow may be somewhat disjointed, I hope you will find this to be a part of the "charm" LOL of my story.  However, I will try to let people know, which entries are interconnected.

  Until the next time,

 Conundrum, I Am