now.  yesterday's entry...well...it was something else, no? um. kinda had a lotta poo building up and whaddaya know...it just spewed forth. nothing like a relentless flow of poo to darken the day.  it was building up for a while and i was trying so damn hard to be tough...i thought i could hack it. but i was proven wrong. talk about a tailspin. i'm doing better today. just very very very drained. it seems like death always comes in threes. ever noticed that? 3 is totally not the magic number for me. i hate the number 3. i think i'll remove it from my life now. ok. it's gone.

little papi was my great grandfather and he was a wee little man. Big Papi is my grandfather and he's like, 6'5".  was. was. not is. was. doesn't seem real yet. is...was...never notice the difference until it matters...i mean REALLY matters. big papi......nope. not ready to discuss it yet.  maybe later. maybe not. 

times like this i almost wish i believed in God. that way i'd have something to blame when everything goes to shit.

but anyhoo.  i'm trying to think of funny and interesting things to write about but when you've basically spent all week at hospitals, funeral homes, and....churches...there's just not much to work with. well, i could think of a few things about the churches...but i'm trying to hold my tongue, uh...fingers....i've already alienated several people this week. mostly family members. most of whom i couldn't give a flying squirrel fuck about. some people just have a hard time dealing with the truth. ah.  i am the truth bringer. wha-shaaa!

sedatives fucking rock.