ive had one of these online journals before but mine was more public with names and stuff. Still wondering if having this online journal is a good thing but i just need to write haha. Damn where do i begin? When i say im just a gurl, i think im one of the most average gurls out there even though people seem to think im not. Spose i am a little different to your average gurl. But then again what is an average gurl like these days? This diary isnt really about my past and stuff (but will come into play every now and then)... mainly just about the weird world i have entered this year. For the majority of my life till the end of last year i was always overweight. i knew that it was something in my life that i wanted to change and that change needed to be for myself and no one else. i was bullied so much in high school about my weight, there is many a stories i could tell you haha. That nastiness and pressure to be skinny lead to me chucking up anything i ate just to feel like i was normal! (society = crazy!) anywho i made some huge mistakes in high school which im sure a lot of people do... but the thing with me is guilt takes over and im the type of person that needs to be honest when a mistake i have made has affected someone else. Before i told that person though the guilt drove me to a point where i was just a f**ked up mess! Anti depressants to keep me going through the day, sleeping pills to get me a little rest at night. Cutting myself to feel something different to the s**t i was going through. Then there was the lovely way that i lost my virginity. Im a stupid gurl that went to a party, drank a bottle of straight vodka, passed out and yeah... well ya know.... dont worry this story will have something to do with this year. So i start eating healthy and doing exercise (its the only way to go, diets suck... learnt that lesson) So yeah, i lose all this weight right and i look better than i have ever looked in my life. i tell you what, this time last year i had not one guy in my life, no guy friends, NO BOYFRIENDS. a part of that was my fault due to the crappy self confidence i had. it sounds so sad but even though i was 18 i would sit at home on a friday and saturday night cos i just hated everything about me, while i knew there was a world out there... CLUBBING haha. i love to dance hehe. so enter this year... ive lost this incredible amount of weight... i start getting self confidence that i dont think i have ever had before!  i went from this sad, depressive, lonely world, to a world i had never seen before.... enter BOYS, CLUBBING and PARTYING! boy hasnt this upset my mum. from her babygurl who had so many morals about drinking and smoking and other stuff to experencing these things for myself. thats all ill say right now... next couple of entries ill update on some of the crazy things i have gone through this year... might not seem that crazy to you people out there but i feel like i went from one extreme to the other and im trying to catch up haha...

Lyfe is crazy!