What have i done? I went on a date with eric today....Are you suppose to feel like your insides are collapsing and want to bolt away from the date. I let him kiss me on the cheeck, well no exactly it was wierd though and i didnt enjoy it at all. Im not attracted to him , or his personality....Not really. The emails were okay and nice on occasion but i cant do it, i cant lie and go on another date with him again i just cant. I thought i got that feeling about it him but i didnt, i keep rotating back to Ein however.... He just seemed more i dont know, hes not interested in me but maybe im not emotionally ready to be dating anyone at the moment. I know i cant go on another date with eric, i idealised him and strung him along and that was wrong but i cant go  on with this charade again. I kept looking and lisening trying to force myself to like him but, whatever i felt for him before is gone and now i feel i want to go back to  the clean slate i had before. I dont want to give him my first kiss, i dont want to give him my virginity i just want him to let me go and move on. Maybe i am cruel?