Lately,

            No really big news here lately or anything. Um, I get to go to McPherson tomarrow, which makes me really happy, well I think it makes me really happy anyway. O yea, and I have a choir concert monday, that should be some major fun right there, but anyhow... you should come and listen to everyone, it'll be great. Somehow our colorguard squad has been completely falling apart! We're all starting to break down and no one wants to share their feelings or their difficulties with the whole group, so the whole group feels them. Then there's the trust issue within the guard, I love everyone to death that's on the team, but there are a few people I swear I can't tell anything to anymore, which isn't kewl at all because, well, a team is supposed to be there for each other and to help each other, but these people don't know how to do that obviously. But yea, so that's about it right now, kinda jumpy between subjects but oh well.

Emotionally,

                     Omg, I don't think that there has been a time in my life when I didn't have at least even a clue about what I wanted, and where I wanted life to take me. Right now though... I feel completely lost and helpless, in a wave of emotions that can't be controled. I want you, but you don't want me and probably will never feel the way that I do about you. I like you, but am too shy to actually get to know you. I really like being around you and hanging out and talking, but I don't know if it's just a friendship like or something more. And then there's you, the one I really want to get to know... have at least semi-liked for a while now, but probably will never get to be with you for many complicated reasons. I can't control any of those feelings anymore, and the hardest one for me at the moment, sadly, even though I thought I had already got passed it completely, is the first of these. O, and then there's always the emotions and drama of school. I'm really good at math, and I love math with a passion, any and all math in fact, but this year, the year that matters the most, I get stuck with a teacher who's not qualified to teach the subject and who doesn't know what she's doing. Ugh, that makes me soo mad because I worked so hard to get this far, and I wanted so much more, and now all because this one teacher completely ruined my way of learning and my train of thought, everything's going to be different then I had planned and wanted. Then there's always AP US, I can't get my head where it needs to be, I can't focus on the right things. Then there are the essays, everyone who knows my writing style knows that I completely fail when it comes to essays and advanced writing techniques, mostly because, once again I can't focus. My thoughts get completely askew when put to paper, but in my head they're completely on, and since it's college level, then we don't get the amount of time that I need to be able to complete those thoughts and have time to look over them. Also I talked to my AP teacher, finally, and she said that I have really great thoughts concepts, it's just that I tend to over analyze them, and therefore completely screw my thoughts over. O well though, I just feel like I'm completely falling apart, and have nothing to look forward to at the moment, all I can think about is next year. I can't wait to do cheer and dance again, I've been needing them soo bad, and I'll be a senior which will mean that I get all the advantages and fun events that come along with that. Yayy..... only what.... 9 more months now, crap.