So, yea, I just got this phone call from Josh... He OD'd on Cocaine last night. He went to the hospital and he's okay, but I just don't know what to think. I am so scared and so shocked at this moment. He's okay now, but still. It kills me, b/c I feel like if I would've been there then I could've prevented it! I mean probably not, but maybe... I mean why? Of all the things that he could've done. But, I can't be mad at him for it. And it doesn't make me think any less of him, but I still can't help but feeling like I could've stopped it!!
And then of course this is the first Halloween since my little brother was born that I wasn't with him! It is so hard for me to not be there with him. I miss him so much that it's not funny! Why does my dad have to be such a Jerk? Why does he have to do this to me? Why can't I just be his little girl anymore? Why can't he let me at least be a part of my little brother's life? I just don't understand!!!!!