So, yea, I just got this phone call from Josh... He OD'd on Cocaine last night.  He went to the hospital and he's okay, but I just don't know what to think.  I am so scared and so shocked at this moment.  He's okay now, but still.  It kills me, b/c I feel like if I would've been there then I could've prevented it!  I mean probably not, but maybe...  I mean why?  Of all the things that he could've done.  But, I can't be mad at him for it.  And it doesn't make me think any less of him, but I still can't help but feeling like I could've stopped it!!

And then of course this is the first Halloween since my little brother was born that I wasn't with him!  It is so hard for me to not be there with him.  I miss him so much that it's not funny!  Why does my dad have to be such a Jerk?  Why does he have to do this to me?  Why can't I just be his little girl anymore?  Why can't he let me at least be a part of my little brother's life?  I just don't understand!!!!!