You know its funny recently all I have really been thinking about is the future and where I will be in a few years time, I know what I would like/love to happen, Id like/love to fall in love with the man of my dreams and be with that man always, I also would love to by the time I'm 23/24 be pregnant with my first baby or have my first baby, because all I have ever really wanted is to be a mum and all I seem to do recently is fantasize about having a baby, what they will look like what, what there name would be, ect and sometimes it makes me sad because I think I'm never going get that, I keep thinking, I wont fall in love and I wont ever feel loved by someone, I guess that is because of my weight and the fact I hate the way I look and I have had my heart trodden on and stamped to many times by guys I kinda find it hard to trust them anymore, even if I am being complimented, being told I'm beautiful and stunning, ect, I just don't believe it.

Yes I know I'm only 20 and I have a lifetime to fall in love, but all I can say to that is I don't feel 20 I feel like I'm 25 or older I really don't feel my age, and to be honest all I have ever wanted since I was young was to be a mum, because if I could I wouldn't work or have a job, my job would be to look after my own children, but cause that can't happen, I do the next best thing, I work with children at nurseries and schools although this does tend to have an adverse effect sometimes, it makes me want to have my own baby even more but I think if I didn't do this job then I would be really miserable and I don't know what job I would be doing now, I really don't, maybe I would be a photographer or something, but I really can't answer that cause I don't know lol, anyway like I say I've been thinking a lot about the future and where and what I wanna be doing in the future. I want to ask peoples opinion, do you think I'm crazy or have some of you thought the same ??? let me know cause I feel like a bit of a freak to be honest cause none of my other friends have the same thoughts as me so there is no one for me to ask apart from you guys and gals so please tell me your opinions, have you ever thought about the things I have ???, Jade xxx