This is what is all comes down to... Everything I have endured in the passed decade coming back to haunt me. 

  For just over five years I have been dealing the effects of physical pain. I have dealt with it for a couple of years before realizing it was simply too much.

But this?

This Disability hearing.... it's so close, but not close enough. All of the time I spent with Stephen is roaring back in my head... apparently so much so, I appeared in his dream and he felt it necessary to message me of Facebook.... My body is reacting.... I have started itching again, hives, started a tiny spot on my chest, left arm belly, left side..... it spreads.... My insides are knotted up, anxiety crawls along my flesh, and I am back to old bathroom habits.... not fun... My jaw is popping, left side... Prone to bouts of panic, crying, and hyper sensitive to sounds, people, and surroundings.

   I feel like hiding in a hole.

I am not sleeping well.... this is affecting me....

Of course life has to keep throwing up curve balls..... It's a lot to contend with......

I am trying to re apply coping skills. Music, writing, chocolate, Grand Theft Auto 3......

 Strangely enough, the video game is most effective. But I can only really play it when the kids are not around to watch. It's violent nature, and Mine, are not fit to be witnessed by younlings. So I must wait for them to be sleeping or otherwise occupied watching a movie in a separate room. That was always something that bothered me about Crystal. She allowed he 5-7 year old boys to play this game and others without a second thought. Totally inappropriate....

Anyways....

Ugh... I don't know.... wishing my Nana and Grammy Dot were here.... I could use their hugs right now.....