I know everyone must think i am in the wrong here, but in my eyes i am justifyed. I cheated on Jeremy Saturday night. With someone i am scared to mention in case this ever by some small chance got back to Jeremy... I told him what i had done, just left out a name for safety sake. He snapped of course, smashed everything in my room, made him feel better i guess. Ha, even went to throw out all of my sex toys in my "toy box". I lauighed at that, really-without my toys i'd need another person, he hadnt thought of that. See, we been threw some ruff shit, or should i say, he's put me threw a hell worse than the place i live!

I spent Thanksgiving without him, fine, i was over it-besides we wasnt together that long yet.

I spent xmas all to myself, Jeremy leaving me behind so he could party out with others. I didnt see him at all.

Jeremy went to S.C. and was humping his ex gf, who he also hadnt even told he HAD a gf to begin with!

He lied to me for 1 month re: the events down south, making me believe she was harrassing him and he couldnt stand her while all the time he was telling her he loves her and if things dont work with us then back to her he would go!!! Dry humping her, kissing her neck, cheeks, w/e, thats cheating-i dont care if sex was there or not.

He contuinued talking to her for such sometime after that, while promising he wasnt-who wouldnt be insecure about their man still chatting up the chick he was fondling on the down low?

After the said events of the ex, he told me it was all in my head, and when i knew for such it was true, he says GET OVER IT!!!!

He favors Carol over Dennis, not a good thing really, my children are equally deserving of love, no one more than the other.

Some girl was trying to get with him, he swore he didnt. One night he just HAS to go to Seans house, playing cards or something. Sounded innocent? Yea, but wasnt. He took Carol with him. I called him 30 min later asked if he wasnted to go to dinner with my fam or if he was still playing cards. He was right up cold on the phone and said i was bothering him playing cards. Later on he tells me she was there! He was letting this skank play with my daughter, and better yet-he wasnt even playing cards when i called!!!!!!! He lied to stay there with her!

 When i cry, if im sad, if i need to be comforted? Ha, thats a joke, he tells me to grow up, shits all in my head, and walks away.

I said to him the other night "when i dated Bruce-when he said he loved me, i not only felt it, everyone in the damn room could. It was shining so hard ppl saw it. I never doubted him. That i didnt get that feeling from Jeremy. ANd if i was looking my worst and gained 40 pds, standing in a room of playboy models, Bruce wouldnt have even noticed anyone else was there!" {He was the kinda guy who didnt need to have eyes wandering, i was all he needed.} Jeremy just snickered and was like, "Yea right!" WTF????

One night while in bed, Jeremy lit candles and dripped hot melted was on my bare chestt. I admit it was arousing, i liked, that is till after we was done and while still naked he pressed against me and told me how he used to do that with THE ex!!!! WTF? Who does that?

He shoved me to the floor 2X while pregnant!!

There is so much more, but i just cant bring myself to go on right now. I dont want him in my life, and yet here i am pregnant. The baby is his, couldnt be anyone elses, this weekend was the first time i EVER cheated on him. I was feeling awful at first, but now that i have told him, i feel a whole lot better, and the guilt is gone. If anything, i wish i had stayed with "him" longer that night. He was so sweet, he has always cared about me, not some random guy. I want Jeremy to go. I am done now, i truely am. But he keeps saying he still loves me. Why?