have to accept it now, wat other choice do i have. i dont think i can be with anyone else for a while tho, which im sure will make it harder. im so fkn hurt, but for some reason.. i gave myself some closure. like somehow i mean. i sent him a msg saying... if u dont tell me u really want me to give up, then ill beleieve u dont. . and he does. reallly want me to give up, hes 'found someone else and moved on' already. and he wants me to do the same, and to foget. i wrote back being nasty, something like, im glad it was so easy for you... then, i wrote another saying 'ive thought about it, and as much as i hate losing you, i want you to be happy more than anything. shes a very lucky girl. but i wont forget you, your still the best. mwa' so, that made me feel better... a little. i do want him to be happy, and if its not with me, i actually cant do anything. it is a shame tho, ill admit that, i thought we would have been really fkn good toether, like together together.. and i was offering more then that.. i know i cn find someone else tho, i know i will. its just i dont want to. i had other guys, but i was just using them. i think about it now.. and i dont actually want any of them. so i need to actually find someone good, not just someone to help me get over ben. hrmmm... that'll be a challenge, i dont like many people, haha. like that anyway, im picky, but not about looks.. about who the person is & how they treat me. haha, i have something so good to compare it too now. i could be with daniel if i really wanted. but i dont. im debating wether or not to msg another guy, haha i just did. lol that should numb the pain. hahahaha, man i feel bad using this other guy tho to make myself feel better. what other choice do i have right now tho, better that then siting here feeling sorry for myself. wow, im amazed at this positive turn around of mine. its a little fake ill admit, but if i pull it off for long enuf, soon enuf ill believe it to. so, what should i do with my life, being hurt so bad, makes me wanna go do something awesome, so all the ppl that were mean to me will be like, damnn. lol. ive been mean to plenty off ppl tho, just coped my fair share lately. things can only et better tho hey? no way anything could get worse, and fuckkkk have i learnt from that mistake... biggest lesson of my life so far. i could go on forever how i wish i had never done that, n let myself get all upset.. but i just wont anymore. ill just put it out of my mind... be happy like i used to, for what i have, family, friends, and im lucky enuf to have the looks too. so, im a lucky girl no matter what. just not going to forget that. not ever again. just need a guy now that is lucky enuf to have me. its so interesting becos i havent been like, picking up in ages.. or 'looking' n now its like i have a different perspective on the guy i want. i dont want to fkn pretty boy to fuck me around. nahhh. i want luv baby, all the love in the world and i wont take nething less. i need to be stronger i think. if i dont like someone, or have questionable feelings for them. ill actually just say, i dont think i can do this anymore. rather then letting it go on. and iff i really like someone, ill say.. i want it all, or nothing. tell me now so i can move on if your not looking for what i am, none of this fuck buddy shit, thats seen that to be a stupid waste. my god, relationships alll the way!!! just do it, its better to love something and get hurt then have not loved them at all. i see the meaning and truth in that now. so im gunna find me someone that i really like, and who i can call the bestest, without just bullshitting, lol. like ben. lol. im seriously getting over it, ive sulked for the last week, all my sulking is gone, im still hurt n upset, but time will heal everything. i just needed to get over the fact HE IS WITH SOMEONE ELSE AND IST COMING BACK!! but its all good, cuz atleast hell be happy, thats a good thought.