I suppose that sometimes we all make super duper mistakes, and that we're supposed to learn from them. Maybe I'm being negative, but I'm having such a hard time being the uppity (sp?) Megan that I used to be. Regardless, I burned some bridges today. To one girl at work, I calmly... kinda... explained that I don't like her enough to care about salvaging our friendship. I even put in my two weeks notice today. Granted, the responsible thing for me to do would probably be to find a new job before quitting, but I can't see a point in staying where I hate people and they hate me. Not sure if that was a step forward or not, but we'll see. Today one of my best friends told me I need to suck it up and get over the guy I love. She also punched me in the eye, but I suppose I deserved that. So, I've set a date to get over him for good, as in, no more dwelling. By friday, he will be gone.
I also realized a little about my mom. When she's drinking, she's a dick. When she's sober -whenever that is- she psychotic. She had me come home early from work, just to be ambushed by her... with a knife. She said the dog was acting weird and that she thought that it meant that we were in danger. Crisis averted.
As gross as this may be, I got my first bloody stool today. The normal, old me, was a little concerned. But the me who tried to off herself was a little more optimistic about it. I don't think I'm going to go to the doctor just yet. If it happens again I'll go, but maybe it will subside. I hope so, it's kinda gross. I'm not proud. Honestly the worst part of it was having to tell my mom about it. She told me to make sure I bring extra toilet paper with me. Awesome mom.
I've been listening to a lot of music lately, mostly a lot of Mumford and Sons. I flipped the tv on last night and they were playing live... I cried. They played all the songs that I play myself when I get sad or mad, and to hear it live made it feel like they were singing to me. It may sound weird, but I feel like me and the band became friends that night. Now, I'm not insane, but that really helped me. It was very strange. Speaking of insane. Everyone around me is treating me like the crazy girl. I'm not crazy, in fact, I still feel like I was pretty reasonable the day I attempted it. I'm never allowed to be alone. I just got them to stop following me to the bathroom. I don't know.We'll see I guess.