I cant seem to think that you are supposed to be true to one soul. How can you possibly love just one person for the rest of your life? I used to believe you could. I used to beileve in destiny, love, passion, romance. But its all just a lie.

I fell in love when i was 16 years old, to a man who was 9 years older then me, yes, i know, grose. BUt it was real. Not physical, but real. I loved him from my head to my heart to my soul. All of me. I was complete with him, and nothing without. Until i moved away and our long distance romance ened after one year. Ieft him because i needed to see if i was missing out on anything. turns out, i missed out on true love with him. I was too young to understand the meaning, too young to be so faithful. And what really gets to me is, he was the nicest, sweetest, MOST respectful man i have ever met in my life. About six years has gone by and i am dating or shall i say in a relationship with a guy who is in the Navy. He lives 2000 miles away from me and i only see him every three months. He says he's faithful, and i actually believe him. I dont know if i am a fool, but i do trust him. Our relationship is nothing like my first. My boyfriend now is not intune with his feelings. He's unable to meet me half way, and what i mean by that is, sence we are so far from eachother, and when we fight, he goes all out. He says such hurtsul things. Comparing me to his really nutso ex...and i mean CRAZY! He says i am a child, insecure, phyco, whore, bitch....blah blah. After the argument, he says he was just angry. He says i make him so made form my jealousy, he wants to strangle me until my head pops off and i am still talking. I know i get extreamly jeaouls. What was it this time? Oh yeah, an ex of his came up and i found out that he wanted to write her while he was in bootcamp. He said he wasnt getting the support from me so he considered talking and keepinng in touch with her. Let me remind you, he wants to get amrried right now, says he loves me more then anything. So i freaked. a year goes by and i am jealous. I guess i dont have the right now be, but i am. Maybe i am stupid, but i dont think i deserve him to be yelling at me like that. I never call him names, even when he gets all strange. He expects me to always be there to comfort him and reasure him. but when i am down, he cant seem to put in his part. I thought love was love, no boundries? i guess i am second guessing myself if i really love him. it would be our 2 years together in one week and i am supposed to go out and see him. .i dont know if i want to know. after the way he has treated me, and he has always been this way.

i dont know what to think, am i being too stuborn? what can i say to make him understand me? who knows.

More later.

Sandra