Ok so I am officially pissed off at about 90% of the world right now. I have come to beleive that the opinions expressed in Daniel Quinn's Ishmael and Story of B are quite factual. Our world has become encompassed by one certain way of life. There is the myth of culture and history but all of that is simply a ritual forgetting of the truth.

The truth is we weren't meant to live like gods over the world. Or at least it is the truth that no one ever tries to look at this anymore. We have taken for granted all that we learn by being forced to learn by the somnambulist people of our society. We do not stop to consider what it was like, before there were no other options than a system or at least a group of systems heading toward the same goal.

I feel living here at sunflower has shown me that humans or at least those stuck in the world of the takers: those who take more than they need so that they may be comfortable, those who work harder for things that you can just obcure from anywhere around you before we started to subjugate and destroy everything that was not useful to the taker world; Desire a sense of accomplishment through cooperation. But we do not cooperate with anything outside our species. Hell outside our circle of philosopies, the East and West essentially the same dribble.

Who of ye cooperates with animals? Your subjugation of a dog or cat, is not a cooperative situation, it is a sick codependency. Who cooperates with the woods: takes what he needs, avoids what he does not. We are so caught up in the protection of not only are family (which I do not object to) but all of our community, that we don't realize we are making eachother weaker by sheilding one another with our paths of specialization. And killing the other brothers we have in this world to satisfy abstract rhetoric.

This relationship I see, with the world. Creates a tension and a set of abstract, intangeble rules of conduct, that hampers the relationship with the family. I see in my leaving the family, it was not because it was my time, it was because it was the set time at which a bueracratic society deemed the average age to consider my time. I have little to no relationship with my parents because of the foolish concepts of marriage and divorce. The more people sit and think about things the more they fuck them up.

My relationship with just friends is usually very shallow and related to other peoples dreams and successes used as entertainment, or even their downfalls and shortcomings. Where the fuck is all the compasion in the world now. We feel the need to entertain and cheerup so many that we no longer even see when someone is truly upset, but only when their melon collie affects our atempts at a tempermant of "Everythings cool".

My relationships with women are crippled by the misconception that men and women are different. We are only so because of the strict reigns we place on ourselfs to meet a status quo. A form of opinion I beleive is oppressive and sadist. How are we so different really. When you take down the walls of man's pride and women's vanity(and I use these terms very loosely) what really seperates us? Nothing that we don't let.

Perhaps I am foolish, hoping that I may some day find someone who sees through things a little more. Maybe I'm just being stupid and I just need someone to help me to stop thinking this way. But I just don't see how this is working out. Everyone is worried about the right way, and no longer wants a good way.

Who's really happy now. The lovers, the fighters and the poets.

Pray for the Fathers, the Mothers, the Sons and Daughters. The family is void.

I'm going to go cry now.