I think it is over between us, OD. At least for now. I'm just here to pick up a few of my things.
I can't think of a whole lot of things worth saying right now.
I've got a whole bunch of shit to do next semester; three music classes, french, and anthropology. It's not as busy as it sounds, don't worry. Still, I think this should be good for me (and my GPA...) Currently I just have chemistry to deal with and am trying to learn piano, which is going well when I have the time. I don't have the time right now, though. It is a super-cram moment until the 26th or so and then I'll be in the clear. Actually, I think my exam is much earlier, the 18th or so? It is an online course and my exam is scheduled to be taken in the cafe of the campus I frequent. I don't know why they aren't using their testing center for this. God damn commie college, can't do a fucking thing right. How am I even supposed to know who I am meeting?
So I've been a bit of a hermit because of this. And monetary constrictions. And generally not wanting to be... outside. I still go out sometimes, however. The other night I was talking with the girl over an IM and she said something like "I think I am in love with you" -- which didn't really take me by surprise, I was watching this come down the road for a good week, at least. I guess my reaction was less than perfect (read: not "I love you too" in return.) She was understandably depressed about this. I didn't bother trying to explain too much, not that I didn't want to but anything I could think would sound contrived or perhaps incriminating.
It seems that if you try to reason that you're not still hung up on the last person you dated, then that is probably exactly the case. The one who smelt it, dealt it... sort of.
Hey, thats a nice pun there!
It is more like I hadn't thought of 'Love' in quite a while, nor felt a need for it. And after abruptly dumping someone I cared greatly for -- probably the most I've ever cared for one person -- not only being fine with that but hopeful that they will move on and be happy, in addition to feeling those exact same feelings for a friend (Hint: MDMA was involved, and the emotion only lasted for the few minutes we were rolling and cuddling)
It seems just a little contrived.
And it certainly isn't that I don't care for her any less than she does for me, it is just that 'love' strikes me as an overblown, manufactured and misleading concept.
And that's all I've got. Time for side D of Double Nickels on the Dime, because it is going to be that kind of day and I am just that awesome.