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9:10 pm--Why is my life always hell? What did I do to deserve this? I hate God-if he even exists. All He's ever done is screwed me over. I'm leaving my stupid fucking church and I'm stopping doing anything and I'm just going to become a fucking loner. God & people are my two biggest enemies, so I'm just going to cut them out. Why is it so hard for me to be happy? Why does it have to be so goddamn hard? Why can't I just smile and mean it, for once? Why can't there be comething good in my life, something going for me? Would that just be so hard? Obviously so. I hate myself. I wish I were motherfucking dead. And it's only motherfucking half-time in the goddamn NBA Finals game. Jesus. It will be fucking 11 before my parents even go to fucking bed, when I can have the house to myself. I really really really wish I had something, anything, to drink right now. I guess cutting's just the next best thing.
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