|All is groovy.|
Okay, so we all know things suck every now and then. For me it's now.. little fact: when I have a problem, about 96% of the time it isn't a real interaction/ "pickle" of a situation, it's a gloomy mindset and pitiful problem that I have created in my head.
With that said, i'll now reminisce (spelling?.. w/e i have new acryllic nails on. it's for ringdance, i promise i don't normally get them.. they hurt pretty bad while typing & playing piano), on my currect man(woman)-made dilemma.
As I tap my fake nails on the desk to the beat of "Seasons of Love"- orignal cast recording, i think about a few of my friends and their current situations. You see, i have a pretty dormant love life. I'm completely content with my social life and scene in general, I have great friends and I am fortunate enough to get to see them quite often. I'm choosing not to go into depth with describing everyone in my life right now.
So it's a little known fact to some of my closest friends that I am seeking a boyfriend. Sound pathetic? or desperate? I don't really think so.. i think it's pretty normal to want to feel wanted/loved, or just have someone special there to care for. I've never had a real boyfriend. I'm already 17 and it's not like I haven't been interested/looking. That's not really the issue at hand here, though. I'm bothered by it, but I don't think about it in a self-conscious way like i once did.
Okay so my best girlfriend has a long-term boyfriend. Cute, wonderful, fine. Most of our guy friends flirt with her hardcore. Obvious, light-hearted, fine. Most of them have had a huge crush on her in the past. Okay, sorry it didn't work out, a little redundant, fine. One of my closest guy friends (whom i used to like & knew first.. but he never really liked me) has a huge crush on her now and thinks he's in love with her. Sweet, annoying, understandable, it's okay because we're just friends, she's phunking with his heart. So I love them both dearly, they're two of my best friends. and I am supportive, I enjoy helping out and a good friend is always nice to have. But I hear about it alot.
I won't go into depth. But, well, I understand that she's really hot and she flirts like crazy. and she gets basically every guy she's friends with to like her. Fine, but she has a really long-term boyfriend. Another thing that drives these crush-ees crazy. She's taken. Off-limits. That allows her to be free to flirt with whoever, whereever as long as her boyfriend is not around. That doesn't bug me so much unless i'm in a depressed mood and/or there's no1 there for me to flirt with.
We're friends, similar in soe ways, but very different people. Fine. I just can't get it through my head/understand how she can have two, yes TWO guys in "love" with her at the same time. She gets two guys who both fawn over/spoil her. It's really quie a dilemma for her b/c not she has to decide whether to stay with long term boy #1 or go to new & exciting boy #2. Okay so she gets a choice of 2, and I get nothing. This is me being whiny and 7 years old. Where's mine? Don't I get one? Share.. please?
Okay, not those particular guys. I'm not interested. But <i>some</i> guy... that would be nice. I kind of have this thing going on with one of my friends (a senior) from theatre. However i'm not physically attracted to him and it's not apparent to me whether or not he knows how to act boy-friend like/ affectionate. Flirting- check. That's fine... but i'm not sure we completely click. But anyway, i'm still in distresss about my first mentioned problem in this paragraph. She gets two and I get none. I've tried to solve this problem many a time, i've asked for advice. Nothing works. And i'm not looking for "love"... a simple high-school relationship would be fine. We talk on the phone, we go on dates, we hold hands, we make-out, we ride together. That type of thing. Not too-much to ask if you ask me. I've got it all planned out, not all i need is an actual guy. I've got plenty of guy friends with whom i've become close. Just not in that way. With some I would have liked to, i'm just incapable. I'm the pure "friend".
Meanwhile, although struggling with weight issues, i consider myself fairly attractive. I'm not conceited, i just feel that i have a nice face, good hair, and a unique but feminine clothing style. So with all that said, it's got to be my personality that drives the fellas away. Whatever. Now i'm just whining, babbling (typing...) on and on. If you cannot get a insight so my so-called problem from this long passage... well, sorry... note me about it please. Id actually be very impressed if you actually read all of this. Yes, please let me know if you've read all this. Even if you never plan on reading anything else I write... or even if you hated wasting your time reading this. Have a lovely day or evening. :)
Sail on silver girl, sail on by.