ive realise these last few days that the whole reason we are doing this circle is we can actually let each other go, he holds me o this pedestal like im his first love and could do no wrong and for me i just see him as the love of my life. Its strange becasue i cant be in a relationship with him right now it would destroy everything we have tried so hard to fix. but i dont want him to be with anyone else (even if i know he is only using her for sex, although that does give me some pleasure at least he is using her and not me!)

I know he loves me and probably will forever (even to the point that he texts me when he is with her now!!!) but he knows that if we were together it will just be us trying to hurt each other (started by me trying to make him understand) its weird because even with everything i still see us growing old together just now with a big gap before we do. he will always be the biggest part of my life but i need to be ok with myself and everything else before we go there, if we go there

I just wish he would get away from her and start to live his life his way again...

OOO decided to go for turtle tatoo hopefully will get it done this week or next :)