So loosing again, my birthday ruined because he chose her no matter how hard i try to walk away i just dont seem to be able to do it! its like i enjoy the torture or something. he going away with her and dont think he is back till after bday, sad but its the day i get excited about because christmas has been crap for e for years so always like to make up for it on my birthay :(

I dont want to be this person anymore its not who i am who, i want to be 

Life is just getting too much again... feel like my friends bar K are putting so much pressure on me to do what they want that i just cant talk to them. she wants me to go next weekend with B but i cant face it 

M is taking her frustrations with work out on me as if all new things were my choice!

flat making me really ill too with constant headache and sick feeling cos of damp that landlord wont fix.

Work is hard going and im desperate to get out but guess its not going to happen anytime soon

Need a break but will next weekend be break i need?!