i've been listening to a lot of piano solos lately. For some reason, there's one that's obsessed me. Structure & dissonance. i'm unsure why this one in particular. i think there's something very ethreal in it. In how the spaces between the notes feel very alone & filled at the same time. In how the tempo changes so quickly to fill those spaces, then slows down to let them breathe.

This summer stretches itself out too long for my tastes, i'm afraid. i wish it to be over, wish to be back to a point where i'm writing innumberable papers. Where each week will be five more to write, where i'm working on the masters paper, submitting & re-submitting the same pages over & over & over again & not being able to think because of far too much to do. Because right now, i try to worry over words but can't find the care. Pick & prod at different things, but they never really go anywhere. i suppose i'm too pre-occupied to care that much about those words.

Sometimes when the phone rings, i actually find myself anxious to talk to someone, anyone. It rang last week, early in the morning, & i found myself talking about you to Australia. & i still think that you wanted me to chase you, & i still think it's too late, & i still wish it wasn't.

.k