well, first entry

i decided to start a diary becuase i am becoming a whinging bitch and thought id vent my anger and frustrations sumwhere where no1 will get hurt. i havnt told ne1 about starting a diary so whoever is reading this i dont actually know..

every1 is hooking up. my 3 best friends all have boyfriends and i have no-one. my 3 best friends are fucking and im still a virgin. that really shits me. i know it shouldnt but one of my friends, jaz, is fkn all over her bf, ben, who i am also friends with, in public all the time, at school. what happens is this: i sit there talking to her then he comes out from studying and sits down with us and they begin fndling and kissing and touching and hugging and suddenly its like im not there anymore. bens there. jaz is my best friend and has been prtty much since yr 7. weve always been there for each other. last year we had 4 classes together and this year we have none. its like weve drifted apart. whenever i make plans with her, ben always has to be considered.. we never talk on the phone anymore and we used to almost every night. there is an emerging gap in our friendship and i have found myself becoming closer with other people. friends are suppoused to be there for you but b/c shes so preoccupied i just feel that i am a burden to her when ever its the 3 of us. also she promised to tell me when she fucked him for the 1st time and i found out through sum1 else. another sign that we are drifting. dont get me wrong ben is a really nice guy and i am moderately close with him but its got nuthing to do with him.

 my other friend, clair, has just begun a reationship with long time bestie, chris. i am really happy for her. this past year i have become gradually more close with her and really appreciate her perspective (evn though sumtimes she goes TOO FAR with racist jks n sht but watev- most of her friends are jews so she obviously dont mean what she says). the this is, its different with those 2. we are all in yr 12 together  and at achool everyday but when i hang around chris n clair, its like theyre going out but its notr like they shove it in your face... which is nice. its ironic b/e in year 9 calisha got a bf and they totally made out in public all the time and were all over each other all the time and me and jaz bitched about it heaps coz neither of us had boyfriends back then. guess its difrferemt now. wish i could get the fuck over it and focus on more important things like study. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!