|Never Sleeping Mind|
So it's 3:42am and i'm really fucked up sort of. because i have a mixed drink with about 3 shots of ron diaz and i'm high off weed and i liked 4 tweek bags and i took a 200mg pill of oxycodone W/APAP i have a really intense body buzz and my face is numb and i feel really like awake but in a calm way and my crotch has an buzz which makes me horney but i have nothing to do about that... here's my weekend so far.
Friday trav's parents were going out of town this weekend camping so the whole week he had planed to get a bunch of tips from work and he was going to have a party at his house and i was supposed to get some cash and i only ended up getting $5 but idk after school i had trav get me some smokes and then i went back home and on thursday my dad tricked me into driving to a town about 45 minutes away to look at my car that i have been planning on getting for a very long time and fixing it up and making it very hot looking and it's a 1988 camero rally sport and right now it looks like shit but when my dad and me get done with it, it's going to be so awsome and i can get some neon underbody light and some interior light for cheep and white leather seats for it and this is the whole reason why i'm going back to work on tuesday cuz i need money to pay for car stuff which is a very good thing and i have to do it but it's going to be hell.
anyways.. i went home and took a shower and got ready and my dad came home around 4:45 then we left to go get it and bring it home then it was like 6ish by the time i got back so i cleaned out the car a lil and me and my dad talked about how we are going to fix it and shit which i woulda been hand washing it today but it rained all day. and i stayed at home and trav was supposed to get off at 9 and call me but i called him to see what was going on and he didn't answer so i called the house and june was home and i ended up going down there and watching the man show with him and it was like 10ish and trav still wasn't home so i called him and he said he was on a cruz and that i should find an alcohol buyer which i could get a hold of any and later he called back to ask what we wanted to drink and he was talking to june and he said that he wanted some black medalian shit which i've never drank but i know it's brown and i don't really drink anything brown and more except of rootbeer shnaps and ron diaz and sometimes captin morgan but not superior. and he handed to phone to me and he said that he was outside and to bring him to money so he could go get it and i just came out there and sat in chelsey's car and we had $64 and i had money for chasers and we ended up getting 2 cases of miller light which i don't like i don't even like beer but the only one i really do like is really cold budwieser. and 1.75 liter of ron diaz and chelsey left and when we were parked in the back evil came over which he is in a whole bunch of shit with the cops and he's brit's ex and idk he's a really big tweeker and he talks a lot but he says what's on his mind at all times and i admire that about him. and idk we just bullshited in the kitchen and chelsey came back and we had about a beer then chelsey left to go to some other party and then frito came over and sara (the one who is really skinny and has HUGE TITS and that's why trav and june like to hang out with her i mean she's cool but she always brags that the state that she lives in is so much better then this state which is totally true and she always comments about out life-styles out here and the words that we use like "suppose"and kinda and idk but she is really perty but she's so skinny and i always ask people if i am skinnier then here and they say yes which makes me sick cuz that's gross but she's just one of those natrually one of those skinny people like me.anyways) then we went to my house which my parents were gone at the casino cuz it was my mom's birthday and they got to see my car and i let the dogs out and shit then we then went to mini-mart and got chasers which dumbass(-it's a nickname;) was working and then we went back and then i'm trying to think of the order but i can't but then frito came over and i left to go somewhere but i don't remember and when i came back i went down to the bastement and it was just frito and evil down there which was a lil weird but i knew that frito had weed so i decided to stay cuz he is really generous like he gave me a whole 1/8 for $15 and some smokes. then evil started talking about the time that me bryan june and trav went on a booze cruz and i was really fucked up like really bad and we ran out of gas and trav was driving and this was in my lil truck and i was in the back which was really squished cuz of my subs with bryan and i was so drunk i started crying and evil was the one that came and picked us up got gas for the truck to bring it back to town . and he said that i was talking about how ugly i am which i have really bad self esteem and when i'm drunk like that i get beligerant(sp) and i really don't remember me saying that but i do remember him telling me in the car when me and him and june went just on a drive at like 4:30 5 in the morning and i was sitting in the front with them leaning a june cuz he made me perty much i really don't care but yeah he was telling me that i was hot and stuff but that i was to young for him which i don't care cuz he's older like 20some and yeah ugly but like i said i admire him a lot. and yeah he brang that up agian in the bastement and him and frito were perty much agreeing that i'm not ugly and far from it which i really couldn't say anything i could have argued with them but kaley and kelsey have taught me that you're not supposed to argue with a guy's opinion about how you look even though i think they are lying but i have been told by like a lot of people that people do think i'm attractive which i'm still really not used to cuz i used to be made fun of for perty much not being as hot and kaley and kelsey when we were younger. then frito came up with the idea of going outside and smoking some and that's what we did but i think it was just me and frito and when i got back inside trav and sara and june were playing ride the bus and june had to and then we started playing p&a and i was high and chelsey came back over and we all went outside and smoked some more later and idk i had one mixed drink of ron and diet coke and i had a big body buzz and then idk i don't really remember but i know that my everyone was saying that my eye's where really fucked up and i needed eye drops a lot. and we went downstairs and idk when frito left or evil left but trav went to his bed and me and chels were watching tv and we ended all going to bed cuz we couldn't keep our eyes open anymore and that was like at 5:30am and then when i got up with trav at like 1:45ishchelsey was gone and june was gone upstairs or somehting and i went outside and smoked with them and deven was over and then she left and me and trav went up to david's to get his work uniform and shortman and J-dubs were up there and they had a fun night last nightthey all got really high and we stayed there and smoked a cigarette and then i just droped him off and i told him to call me when he got off of work cuz we saw seth at some ar wash and he said that he would prolli come over after work and then trav mentioned that frito wanted to come over again so he would have someone to match and yeah he said that he was going to get tips and put it in the van and i said then maybe we can all gon a cruz or something and i dropped him off and i went home and took a nap and i slept prolli from 3:30 to 7:30 when britt called me which i haven't seen her since wensday. and she was at frito's and she asked me if i could come and get her and i did then we went ot her g-ma's and she took a shower and i read a high times and watched the simpsons and then it was like 9:30 and i called trav and he was at home it was just him and june and briit got some green from her uncle which also live's at g-ma's and i told him that i was going to go home and try to get some gas money cuz he only made $6 in tips and he needed smokes and me and her went down there i grabbed some chicken and some mashed potatoes which my rent's made for supper and i heated it up in the microwave and ate it at trav's then we went and got gas and went on a long cruz even though i always somehow ended up getting back into town cuz i always thought that she was done smoking it but then she's like what the fuck should we just smoke it all and me and trav were just like yeah cuz we are the same in the fact that we never really pass up and opprotunity to smoke more pot but sometimes i don't if i'm really fucked up . and then we went back to trav's and frito came over and i can't think right now but we did end up smoking and i got high and idk how it happened but then frito broke out white and a piz and frito said something to june about licking the bag cuz he didn't want to trav automatically threw them to me and i licked them and it's weird like i've licked one before but i was really drunk and i ended up passing out a lil then i got up at 2 to bring the car back and then we started watching tv later and i was fine but here is my veiw on meth...
i do want to try to smoke it once just to try but i'm afraid that i will like it too much -cuz i love getting high or just being not sober- but i fear that i will instantly want to do it more and more so i never have smoked it, i've had plenty of opportunities to and trav has told me before that he wants to get me high just once which i do but yeah idk it would be with him and june though cuz i trust them. and i don't like tweekers when they are all fucked up and don't know left from right i think that is so stupid plus this shit is really so bad for you like with all that bleach and idk all those other nasty chemicals that they put in shit and to be a full blown tweeker will fuck you're life up. but everyone says that you have to have money to be addicted which i'm really scared for june and trav right now cuz now they have a job and they get their first check on wednsay and they already have plans to get a 1/2g and just to eat it that scares me. so yeah i will try it one time but that's my view on shit.
so i licked the bags and there was a lot more on these ones then the other one that i did and my face got all numb and so did everything else but i think that's all it did to me except i'm not sleeping yet but i really want to write right now.and i also idk just like a numb feeling in my face and nose and just really calm all night and i'm fine with it and they were snorting it too and that looks like it hurts like the "Burn of Fire" i guess that's what it's called and me and britt and trav played rummy and me and trav played some other games and john boy came over and there was some more white.and trav said something earlier about me having these oxycodone's which i took from my dad like 4 of them and then i wanted it so me and him both took one which i think is why i have such and intense body buzz right now. and he left then idk i ended up giving britt and frito a ride up to britt's and then i went back there and savanah and dorance was over and i met her once before and it was over at june's mom's and i was fucked up and she brang like a hitch hiker over which they aren't very common in this town but yeah idk and dorance i know from going on a cruz with nate and him and seth and idk savanah is idk how to describe her well i do but idk but i was sitting on the couch next to trav shuffling cards which i realized is very OCD for me like i shuffled them while playing P&A last night prolli over 100 times in a row and i was doing it when we were playing with britt and idk i could do it for hours and dorrance was sitting next to him and june and her were in the other chairs. and she was just talking up a storm about her life drama right now to june who i could tell really didn't care or want to hear about it at the time and yeah she made one comment about me and trav which really got me thinking. she asked me while i'm shuffling cards just randomly which i'm sure she thought i was on something but she asked me if me and trav were going out and trav was busy drawing and i took a drink and shuck my head no at her and trav was looking down but like 3 seconds later he said no which was delayed but then we just started laughing at it and june came in from smoking and trav told him and she's like "well i think you guys would be a cute couple, you're both hott" she's like i really think you are hot can i hit on you?" but she said it with a straight face and i didn't have anything to say to that but i shoulda said if you want but i didn't. but that's one thing i've always thought about, all those boys like jaydon june trav bryan david even fucking dylan (which i know he thinks i'm something that's not ugly considering that i've done shit with him or he has to me on 3 different occasions)all of them like if the guys that i see when i'm out with the girls someone always ends up telling them that i'm hot or cute and they will always tell me and i don't want to like brag but i think since my boys are not all that attractive(sept trav it think he's so cute)and they don't get that many girls that they would think that i'm hott too but the fact that i used to be picked on all the time by all of them for having my brief blonde moments or saying or doing stupid shit which is another reason why i left in the frist place. but i don't know if they are or were really picking on me like a lil 5th grader that guys pick on girls when they like them or idk ...i just think that they all deeply in one way or the other that they do think i'm hot or cute but they could never say anything to my face cuz they would be embarassed by all the other guys which is why i think it would be really hard for trav to possibly want to have a relationship with me cuz of that but idk it just made me think and the fact that trav had a dely on the time he said no makes me wonder ...and i told him to call me when he got up but idk what's going to happen but i know .but i'm going to bed cuz it's now 5:53 on the morning
if anybody can help me with idea's about trav i always consider taking advice..
questions comments let me know